International Cesarean Awareness Network

  My name is Victoria and about 2 years and 9 months ago I had my first baby girl Isabella. It was such a traumatic pregnancy. It all started on October 2004 I miscarried my first pregnancy at 6 weeks. All my hopes and dreams wee torn out of me as they performed a D&C on me in one of chicago’s most prestigious hospital(northwestern) which 2 months later I had a bad uterus infection. In February 2005 i found out i was pregnant again. I than decided to go to my regular hospital (Rush) and doctors. Well on my 8 week i started to bleed with no pain and because with my first i bleed with paon i tought i was heading for the same direction. I stopped working and was resting in bed for the first trimester. When i entered my 2nd trimester i did the routine blood test to see if baby was ok and she was clear of down syndrome. a week later doc calls me in to break the news about how high my blood score came in for down syndrome i was soo heartbroken that i broke down and just cried. she than recommended a amnio but since i was onl four months i had to wait until i was 5months. for me that was an eternity becus i di not want a sick baby and we conteplated to terminate pregnancy. we went through hell, we talk to parents. to priest and we cried and prayed every day. when i did amnio it was painful and scary and i was more sadden to find out it would take 3 more weeks for those results. So we cried and prayed some more. we went to the genetics counselor where the came back and said it was a girl and there was no down syndrome. i was ssoooooo happy i cried some more but they said they had found something else that one of her chromosomes had detached and linked to another one. so we had to do some more testing to see who was the carrier and if baby would have abnormalities we wanted one more week and thankfully everything came back ok becuase my husband was the carrier. At 71/2 mths i went to the hospital becus i didnt feel baby movement so i wanted to see , and they checked me and said baby was breeched and that i was low on fluid where baby was at. so every week-twice a week i went to hospital to check fluid and they monitored the baby’s heart beat. well my last check up was on a friday 3 days before my due date(i was a finger nail tip opened) and my doctor advised me to get induced because it looked like the baby was measuring 9 1/2 pds. so me being a first time mom not knowing and confiding with the doctors request i did as they said ALWAYS. so i went to the hopital on a sunday night and they put cervidall that night. the next morning i did not progress i was not dilated and cervix was not ripened. so the put another cervidall. Late that night i started to feel some period cramps and i was like wow if this is it i can hang. well by 230am i was asking for hot water bags and that said they would give me some morphin so i said ok. well by 7am tuesda i was miserable , tired , i vomitted becus i had a bad reaction on morphine. they told me that they were taking me to my delivery suite on the way there i vomitted some more they started pitocin. by 12pm i was ready for the epidural. (omg i will never go through an epidural again)the doc came in to put the epidural and he asked me let me know if you feel it to much to the right or to the left(i was thinking what?)well he must of hit a nerve becaused i screamed so bad that my husband came in swearing saying what the hell was going on because i kept telling them i felt like my right leg was on fire i felt it burning the nurse kept telling me it was normal to feel that.the head anesticiologist came and she smoothily administerd the epidural. later around 5pm the broke my water to progress labor and by 9pm i started to get a low grade fever(it was at 99.8). my doc came in around 915 and said they were not going to risk it and they would need to do a c-section. so of course i wailled and pleaded them not to but they said it was for the best. so at 948 baby was born at 8pds 9oz and 21and a half inches. i didnt feel like a mom i felt like something was missing. during my stay in the hospital i complained about not being able to catch my breathe the just said it was a weight shift and i was tired etc. well on friday at 1pm i went home feeling like something was wrong. at 7pm i took a shower and i could feel that i couldnt breathe right so i went to the ER they took blood test and the er doc came back and said" well it appears that you lost alot of blood from your c-section. your blood levels from 12 cam down to a 5 so a little blood transfusion can’t fix". i looked at my husband and wailed and i started to shake like if i was cold. i cried and said i was going to die and i remeber my husband swearing and asking to speak to my doctor. well we never spoke to the doctor they send me home with big dosages of iron pills.i went home with no energy, blaming my child that it was her fault, and tring to heal from a c-section and couldnot breastfeed my aby becuase i needed all the nutrients to get better.my mom and huby took care of the baby becus i couldn’t. on my 1 month checkup i was diagnosed with posttraumaticstress and postpartum ocd & anxiety and was put on zoloft(by 1 1/2 yr postpartum i was at 250mgs zoloft). i dont remember my child’s first months the are a daze. i never wanted to be alone with my baby becus of the fears of harming her.just like brooke shields had gone through was exactly what i was going through. i vowed never to have kids EVER. Now that the baby will be 3 in october i want to get pregnant again in 2 years. but i want this time around to be different. i want a natural birth experience. although i am not guranteed i wont get postpartum again maybe this time around i wont. i went through alot that led to the postpartum. now i am weaning off the zoloft (i am at 12.5 every other 2 days). but i want to loose the weight frist, get off meds, and regulate my period. after having my child i have been irregular so i am taking herbal teas each month to regulate period. dont want to take BC. so hopefully i do get my wish of becoming a mom again but this time witha natural birthing experience.