The Birth of Zoe
First time mother-to-be, at the age of 24, I arrived at the hospital (Southeast Alabama Medical Center) for a scheduled induction. I was 39 weeks and 2 days and had agreed on the induction after going over a week with contractions 5 to 7 mins apart and being sick for 3 days straight with a high fever. I look back now and am regretful for this because maybe more time and not breaking my water so early in labor would have been a better position for Zoe in my pelvis. When I arrived at 5:30 am for my induction i was told that I was in labor and now dilated to 2 cm (75% effaced) and contracting every 5 mins. We continued with the induction, which included pitocin and breaking my water in early labor. I will save everyone the time of not describing every little detail with this birth. At 7:30 am the doctor broke my water and by 12pm I requested an epidural (I was between 4 to 5 cm). Labor stalled shortly afterwards. My epidural wore off between 4 and 6pm in which another anesthesiologist came in and redosed. He also proceded to mess with the tape on my back. I believe this plays into what happens later. By 9:30 pm i was finally 10 cm. The nurse came in and checked me but informed me that they didn’t want me pushing just yet because the doctor was in the middle of delivering another baby. Talk about frustration at this point.

At 10pm I was told that i could start pushing and my epidural was no longer working. I pushed and pushed but not much was happening. Zoe’s head was down to +2 station but had stopped progressing down. At 11:30pm the nurse rotated me to my side and while pulling at a towel (like tug-of-war) we tried pushing at that position. I knew at this point something was wrong. I asked why the head wasn’t moving down and my nurse said she wasn’t sure because i had plenty of room. The doctor came in at midnight and gave me the option of pushing for 30 more minutes or doing a c-section. I asked him if he couldn’t use a vacuum or forceps and what my chances were of having a vaginal delivery if i pushed for 30 more minutes. He then told me he couldn’t use the vacuum/forceps and didn’t think that 30 mins would make a difference. My moment of feeling completely defeated. So I agreed to a c-section. This is the moment I will never forget as I turned to my husband and cried. I was so sad that i had made it so far and to have a c-section. The moment I wasn’t prepared. Then my sadness turned to anger and I wanted to no longer feel contractions since i was about to have surgery. Why should I be in pain? Dose after dose but nothing was working. Some time had passed and at this point I do not know how long I had been in the OR when the anesthesiologist did the test where he pokes you with something sharp and asks do you fill this? My answer was “Yes”. Then he uses an alcohol prep wipe and says does this fill warm? I said “No” it feels “cold”. And then he says “hmmm”. Then I am told we have to start anyways and if the pain gets too bad then to ask and he will put me to sleep. At that very second I was screaming in my head ” Oh my God I can’t believe this is happening to me!!”. The moment they cut through my uterus the pain radiated all the way up into my ribs. I was so mad, in pain, but I wanted to see my child be born. I was talking to myself reminding myself it would be over soon as they mashed and mashed on my body that felt like it was set on fire. At 1:10 am (August 19th 2008) Zoe made her grand entrance earthside. Weighing 7lbs 4 oz and 20.5 inches long. They bundled her up and showed her to me for a brief sec then she was handed off to my husband and he was shown the door. I couldn’t believe what all I had just been through and I was left “alone” or at least alone with strangers on the operating table for them to finish suturing me. I arrived back in my room after 2:00 am and got to meet Zoe for what I felt like was the first time. They had already given her a bath in the room and the entire family had already taken turns holding her.

That moment i had been waiting for and yet i didn’t have that happy moment. I had a disconnected feeling. I knew she was my child but yet I had this feeling that she wasn’t mine. This was the beginning of my PTSD/PPD. I hate how my feelings were the first few months of Zoe’s life. I had so much hurt and anger from what happened. We started out struggling with breastfeeding but was able to continue EBFing for 6 months and I did wean and go to formula once I realized I needed help with my PPD. As long as I was nursing the people around me seemed to feel they couldn’t do anything for me as far as taking my child for a few hours or even helping with her at nighttime, and so forth. Overtime I was able to work through my feelings and my bond with Zoe continued to grow. At my 6 week checkup I asked my doctor if I was a VBAC candidate and he said yes, but that I should consider that with vaginal births I may have bladder incontinence, the possibility of vaginal tears, etc, and well with a c-section it can be scheduled. I knew I didn’t want to have a birth with him ever again! The reason for my c-section was that Zoe was in face presentation (occupant posterior) and her head got stuck at my pubic bone. I began researching anything and everything about VBAC’s. Also researching PPD linked to c-section, and found a support group for my future VBAC.
Preparing for VBAC
Let’s fast forward to 2011. Our family made a move to Madison, AL in Sept 2010 and by February we had decided it was time to pick an OBGYN that was vbac friendly and also discuss clomid. We had fertility issues with getting pregnant with our first and used clomid and at this point had been trying to conceive for a little over 6 months so we decided it would be best to go that route again. In the Huntsville area I was only aware of a few doctors that were VBAC supportive and one that I decided to consult with was Dr. Karen Raiford with TVOBGYN. I brought my medical records in hand and was prepared to discuss all things VBAC and what happened with my first birth that resulted in a c-section. From the very beginning of mentioning it she was very supportive. She told me she would not induce and I would need to go into labor on my own. I was also told this practice didn’t like for you to go past 40 weeks but we didn’t have to discuss a c-section date until the 40 week mark. She spend 30 minutes or longer talking to me about what happened in my first birth and how she on board with my choice to VBAC. We then discussed my history of infertility and decided to try the clomid again.
Birth of Harper
I found out on May 1st, 2011 that we were expecting baby #2. The beginning started out a little rough with some bleeding issues and 24/7 nausea but by 2nd trimester everything was running smooth again. As we approached the 36 weeks I began using evening primrose oil capsules to help with cervix ripening and was walking at least a mile a day plus squats throughout the day. The goal was to be as fit as possible for the big day. I did request to be checked at my appointments just to see if there is any change. Though I am quite aware that dilation and effacement isn’t an indication of impending labor. At 36 weeks I was 1 cm and 50% effaced. My uterus was measuring 3 weeks ahead and the head was measuring 2 weeks ahead by ultrasound but Dr. Raiford continued to tell me that everything looks good and that anyday now she was sure I would go into labor on my own. At my 38 week appointment i was 2 cm and 50% effaced and requested membrane sweep. I had some cramping throughout the day but nothing happened. As I hit 39 weeks I was starting to feel the pressure. I did not like the idea that at my 39 weeks appointment I would be discussing a c-section date. I had already decided i would put it off to the 41 week mark and even then i might put it off longer. After all, that is my choice and I knew my rights as a patient.
At midnight on January 9th, 2012 I had my first crampy contraction. I was sitting up watching tv and I just knew this was it. The contractions started off about 30 mins apart and after 1 am moved to 10 to 15 mins apart. I tried napping but couldn’t sleep though the contractions so I decided at 2:30 am to take a shower. That is when things really started to speed up. I noticed my contractions coming every 2 to 3 mins. I then told my husband it was time to pack and go to the hospital. It was around 3:30 when we arrived at Hunstville Hospital and they began monitoring me. I was contracting every 2 to 3 mins and i was dilated 3.5cm and 75% effaced. The nurse told me i would then be checked into a room and that we will be having a baby very soon. It was so exciting and so nervous all at the same time. Dr. Kakani was the doctor there at that time but she said that my doctor would be in around 7. I got settled into our labor room around 4 and between 4-6am IV was put into place and I moved around the bed as much as possible. If I recall correctly I was on Facebook for a little while during that time. Just anything to take my mind off of the contractions. At 6:15 Dr. Kakani came in and said she was going to break my water and put in an internal monitor. This had been discussed before with my doctor and I had already agreed. At this point she said I was between 6 to 7 cm and fully effaced and that the cervix felt stretchy like a rubberband. I took that as a good sign. Everything seemed to be going to fast compared to my first labor. And so far I had not taken any pain medicine, which is what I was going for. I didn’t want anything that could stall labor or cause any problems that might lead me to a c-section. After she broke my water the pain did intensify. I knew I was in transition and at this point I was blowing so hard out of my mouth that I had to have Chapstick applied between contractions. I had this deep burning feeling that would run down my thighs almost to my knees at this point. The whole time my husband is telling what a great job I am doing and how I can tell my sisters I did it all natural. The nurse had me rotating sides at the point to make sure the head is in the best position. And if you can picture this I had my husband lifting my leg with every contraction and slowing lowering it as the contraction would go down. For some reason this helped with some of the pain. I am sure i looked crazy but oh well 🙂 Dr raiford comes in around 7am and tells me I am doing great and how she knew i was going to get my vbac! I began to feel real nervous mostly because I pushed for 2 hours with my first and had it end in a csection. At this point, I am thinking “Oh my god what if the same thing happens” and the pain is so bad right now. I remember a brief whimper and the nurse reminding me to breathe through the contraction. Around 7:30 am I whisper to my husband I want the epidural. He tells the nurse and she says ok but says she doesn’t know if they can get it in fast enough bc I needed more IV fluid. She then realized the issue with my IV. The IV that was in my left arm had blown and the fluid had been pooling under the skin. So here she is trying to get one in place. Nurse Ashley asked me does that hurt lol I wanted to say “no my arms are numb but my lower half may fall off”, like anything else could possibly hurt more than that at this moment. She gets it in place and then checks me and says I am 8cm. The anesthesiologist shows up just in time. He puts it in while I am on my side and the relief is almost immediate. He told me at least twice not to baredown for a few minutes. Which i had been pushing with each contraction. I just couldn’t help it. Nurse checks me and I am 9cm. So it is a little past 8:00 and my parents arrive so I sit and rest, talk with my parents. Dr raiford and the nurse is letting me labor down. Around 9:00 Raiford comes in with all equipment they get everything set up and we start pushing. I still couldn’t really feel my contractions so it was hard at first to tell what I was doing but by 9:30 I was able to feel my contractions again. I am not sure how many times I pushed but right before she came out raiford did ask me about an episiotomy and I told her I would prefer for things to happen naturally. She said ok and out came Harper (9:50am) she laid her on my chest and started cleaning her up. Dr. Raiford asked Jon if he would like to cut the cord and then she was moved to be weighed and given right back.

Weighing:

During weighing, I delivered the placenta and she told me I needed one stitch. Dr. Raiford continued to tell me how great I did and just how fast things progressed. I then breastfed Harper for a good 30 min and got up and walked to my wheelchair.

It was truly an amazing experience. So many feeling flooded my soul at that moment. This was the birth that everyone should experience. This was the birth that I had been cheated from the first time but what an amazing experience to finally know that I can have a vaginal birth and that things could go as great as it did. Once we were moved to postpartum room I was relieved to get to call and cancel my 39 weeks maternity appointment (which was scheduled for the next day) with TVOBYN because that meant we didn’t have to have that unwanted conversation about a repeat c-section. I didn’t have PPD like I had with Zoe, and we had zero problems with breastfeeding.
Picture of Harper less than 1 hour old (already smiling):

This birth experience was so different and everyone that helped with the delivery (my husband, Dr. Raiford, Dr. Kakani, and Nurse Ashley) all made my experience that much better. Words of encouragement throughout the whole process and just having them remind me that I was doing great helped ease many of my concerns and worries. I am not sure that I will ever fully recover mentally from my fear of surgery from what happened with Zoe but it has helped me heal in so many other ways. Harper gave me a second chance to have the birth I wanted with my first child. With my VBAC I prepared myself for a c-section but had to at least try for a vaginal birth. I knew from the beginning if I didn’t at least try, I would always question could I have had a vaginal birth.