The Birth of my Pearl
This one was going to be different… My first birth was via c-section at 34wks after my water broke as my son was jack-knife breech. It was definitely a necessary c-section, but having a surgical birth still negatively affected me and my son. My second son I had a VBAC in a hospital after days of prodromal labor, then 39hrs of labor . I felt very victorious despite some mistakes on my part, and not getting a fully natural birth. But it felt as if my whole pregnancy, and labor I was having to fight. I didn’t feel well supported or safe in the hospital… it was a very “alone” feeling in a place packed with people.
Cut to me pregnant with my third baby, this time a girl. I was still going to the same OB/GYN practice… and was becoming ever more disenchanted with every bit of it. From the long waits, being rushed, the doctor never remembering details of what we’d discussed at previous appointments, having to remind the nurses to check my baby’s heartbeat, constantly mentioning breaking my water to “induce” labor (for no medical reason), etc. I’d had it one day, and in tears, I wrote on my Facebook about how frustrated I was. A lady who I didn’t know very well, but was a part of the Alabama Birth Coalition here (an organization working towards changing laws in Alabama so that midwives can legally attend out of hospital births) messaged me, and pulled some strings with a midwife friend of hers, Tori Dennis. At around 29 weeks I began seeing Tori as my midwife. She lives in Alabama, but because of our current laws she cannot legally attend out of hospital births. So, this wonderful woman has a guest home right over the Tennessee border for women like me to give birth in. A home birth away from home.
Preface of Labor
I had quite a few bouts of prodromal labor this time again. Several times I thought THIS IS IT, for it to stall out into the wee hour of the morning. I had passed my due date. It was a different feeling this time… I didn’t have the weekly threats of the c-section if labor didn’t start by X date like I had last time. My mother and her friend had come in from out of town to help with the kids when the time came. Also one of my nearest and dearest friends came 12 hours to be an additional labor support person for me. Because of everyone’s distance they came when they thought things would be happening soon…. No one thought they’d be waiting as long as they did. But that goes to show us, doesn’t it? At my 40w3d appointment with my midwife my cervix was funneling at 3-4cm on the inside, 5-6cm on the outside. We tried some black and blue cohosh, and then we went walking around shopping for a while. The contractions were about 3 minutes apart for a few hours, but once again petered out, though they pretty much stayed at least 10 minutes apart at the most. I was the watched pot.
Eventually I got pretty frustrated and exhausted. I also had a wonderful side effect of the baby being so low that I would have a sharp searing pain in my groin/hip area where my left leg met my body. My midwife thought it was her head pressing on a nerve. It was so bad that my leg would just give out, bringing me to a crouching position with one step. I got some pretty funny looks while out at Wal-Mart trying to walk and get last minute shopping done. I was afraid someone was going to call 911. I was in pain but was hysterically laughing with my friend while onlookers gasped. When 41 weeks arrived I had to really try to focus inward… my midwife said I needed to do this, and not worry about anyone else. She told me to direct anyone having questions or concerns to my husband.
41w1d, Thursday, She told me to have sex, try the black and blue cohosh again (she instructed me exactly how to use it safely) and to walk, then come in and have a big supper and go to sleep. She instructed me to pull my belly up and in during a contraction to try to center where the contraction was putting the pressure more towards my cervix, since my belly was WAY out there. I did this, and while the contractions got a bit more intense and closer together again, I decided not to focus too much on it just to get disappointed again. Friday I woke up and instead of the morning being quiet contraction-wise like usual, I noticed they were pretty consistently 5 min apart. I still wasn’t convinced it meant anything. I went along with my day, and they continued as such. I kept pulling my belly up and in as instructed. My friend took her kids and mine to Wal-Mart to give me some quiet time. Things kept on, so I called my husband around lunch time to tell him that he should probably come home. He did, we checked out my oldest from school in case it was soon. Then we held hands while we walked back and forth on our dead end street in the cold, dark, quiet… waddling while pulling my giant belly in through the contractions. It was nice. We updated Tori seeing what she thought. It was nice to be able to text her back and forth with details, and her with questions for me so we could determine the best timing and course of action. We decided to get all of the kids tucked in bed and head on to her.
Go Time
We left my house around 9pm. I was starting to hum a bit through the contractions on the 1hr 15min car ride there. We got there, Tori had turned the heaters on and started warming everything up way before we got there. I didn’t mind the cold… I was burning up, of course. She checked me at my request and I was still about the same 3-4cm on the inside of the funneling cervix. I was a little nervous that this was another false alarm… but was pretty sure that things were different this time. Definitely increasing in frequency, intensity… just not rapidly. Donna Mitchell was the midwife that came to help Tori. She was great. She suggested tying my belly up with a rebozo wrap to further help my contractions stimulate my cervix to dilate. I think this thing fully did it’s job…. And it was beautiful! We walked around unloading… I’d brought a frozen chicken and dressing casserole mix that I’d made previously. My friend and I put it together, and got it in the oven. Stopping between some of the contractions to cheerfully hum. There was good energy there. No one was pressuring me… I walked when I wanted to walk… while also demonstrating my new parlor trick of “dropping it like it’s hot” every few steps because of my hip spasm. I was still laughing when it happened. I bounced on the ball… drank plenty of water in my ginormo mug. They were getting more intense… my soft hums were getting a bit louder. But I was tired… everyone else was too. I sat on the couch next to my husband, Kirk. He rubbed my feet, held my hand… The midwives decided to turn the lights off and let us all try to get some rest for the rest of the journey we had in store at about 2 a.m. In my head I thought… PSHHH! Yeah right, I’m gonna nap during my natural labor. But shut the front door… I did! I got myself into the most comfortable position I could on the couch… and I’d sleep in between them, wake up and MMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmMMMMM through them… then gladly drift back off. God is so amazing how he built us.
Then about 5-6a.m. things started getting more intense… I wasn’t falling back asleep, and I knew I needed to move or do something. I asked for the pool. Everyone started waking up and getting things ready. There was a minute where they couldn’t get something to work right with it and I was internally freaking out. But they got it handled thank the Lord… so they are alive today to tell the story. 😉 I think she checked me before I got in the tub and I was 5-6cm. Can I just tell you, sinking my big self down into that HOT water…. Ohhhhhh. I was like “Yep… I’ll be riiiight here if anyone needs me.” It was immediate relief. I know why they call it the midwife’s epidural.
I labored for hours there. I changed positions over and over… My vocalizations were more like Oooooooohhh’s than MMMMMmmm’s at this point. My dear, selfless friend submerged her fingers in icewater over and over to keep the rag on my face and neck ice cold. Her poor fingers, what a good friend I have. My whole crew was fantastic. They were everything I needed WHEN I needed it, and nothing I didn’t need. It was amazing to me and made a WORLD of difference. When I’d been interviewing Tori and she told me how she was pretty hands off during labor, I was honestly a little nervous… afraid I would NEED her more being hands on. But she was right… I didn’t. No one can do it for you, it was my journey, and them letting me do whatever I needed to do without pressuring me was exactly what I needed even though I didn’t know it. They quietly did their job, checking baby’s heartbeat, logging things in their paperwork and let my body do what it needed to. Thanks ladies!
And also a shout out to my amazing husband. He was so fantastic. I did need him…. And he was there with me, quiet, calm, strong, just there. That’s what I needed… no magic tricks. The photographer captured some precious moments of him supporting me that I will treasure always and I feel it embodies his pure love for me… I can see it on his face.
I remember feeling some pressure at some point, and at some point her checking me and I was a 7-8.
I don’t remember in what order those things happened. I think my moans took on a louder tone…. But I was still ok riding them out when they came and miraculously falling asleep between them somewhat. I think Kirk was dosing between them as well. I don’t know why vocalizing is what I do or why it helps, but it does. I felt more pressure and was starting to feel myself want to push some. She checked me and I was a 9 with a lip. She instructed me to get on my hands and knees to try to get rid of the lip. I stayed that way for a while. The lip was wanting to stay and my contractions just weren’t intensifying at a rate that was moving things along, even though I was starting to get pushy. They had me get out of the pool. “But I don’t need to pee again…” haha They later told me that I had found a little hidey hole in that pool… and was getting too comfortable. They needed me out and to move. As soon as I stood up I was like “Um… not cool.” Kirk was dancing with me on the other side of the pool and having to hold some of my weight during contractions. I walked somehow to the potty that they wanted me to sit on. Holy Hip Hurt Batman. I’m not sure what I sounded like during those handful of contractions she had me rock through on the potty, but I told her I couldn’t stay here. I got up and walked in between contractions back towards the pool (wishful thinking on my part… )
All of a sudden I was pushing during the contractions… full on, my body was doing it for me. They had Kirk get behind me and support my weight with his arms under my arm pits. They jumped down there and SPLASH Tori got soaked while checking me as my water broke. My body was bearing down hard as I crowned and she told me to slow down! My eyes went wild as I looked at them like they were crazy. Donna got right in my face and told me how to pant and haaa haaa haaa to slow my body from bearing down with all of it’s might. Tori had warm rags that we’d kept warming in the crock pot, and put the warmed olive oil on them to hold onto my perineum. I’m not sure how many contractions I had there, maybe three? And she was out… 11:12 a.m. February 9th, 2013…. well most of her. I gave birth to Julia in a supported standing/squat position. She came out with her cord wrapped around her neck, both arms (one was chicken winged behind her, shoulder, back, and one of her legs. It was so tight it left a bruise across her back. They firmly instructed me NOT to grab my baby and they jumped into action untangling her. My heart was in my throat for a second or two but they got her free just fine, she started screaming and pinking up immediately and I could hold her. They sat me on the birthing stool to deliver my placenta. I was talking to my brand new daughter….
Studying her while we were chest to chest. She was amazing. I remember saying “We did it!” The placenta took a little bit to come out… they gave me a shot of Pitocin to help my uterus clamp down, had her nurse, and they had me push and cough to try to get it to come. It finally came on and all was well. My platelets had been low, so she wanted to watch extra close for any iffy bleeding. Julia Pearl Barker was here in all of her glory…. Slick as a button. After we snuggled for a while they had Kirk hold her while I got rinsed off, then they tucked us warmly in bed for skin to skin time while they cleaned everything up. She latched well. When they came to weigh her she was 8lb. Probably more at birth because she pooped 4 times before they weighed her. She was almost a full pound heavier than my hospital VBAC with which I had a 2nd degree tear, I had not a scratch with her! AMAZING! I was hungry and very thirsty. Had a plate of my chicken and dressing I made… and guzzled some coconut water. Tori gave me the option of going home after 6hrs if I wanted to since everything looked so good and I had her during the daytime. I was grateful since I like the comfort of my own bed. Donna came and checked on me the next day for the 24 hr checkup. Julia was tongue tied like her brother so we had that clipped at 2 days old. She is still breastfeeding great and is a happy, healthy, chunky, smiley 4 month old who loves her big brothers.
I am forever grateful for my birth experience. Tori did not have to help me like she did…. God led her to do so and I thank her and HIM for it because without them all of this wouldn’t have been possible. And truly we probably would have ended up with a c-section. My OB made it clear he wanted to break my water BEFORE I was even in labor… so I know they’d have been pressuring me to break it every 5 seconds until I broke down if I’d been in the hospital. Had my water not stayed intact like it did, with her cord wrapped like it was it would be very likely to have been compressed and caused heart decels which they’d have called an emergency c-section for. I’m thankful that God helped line things up so that I did have a choice in how I birthed my baby. I pray that soon things will change in the Alabama law regarding midwife attended out of hospital births, and also the maternity care system itself needs an overhaul to reduce unnecessary c-sections, inductions, and non evidence based practices… and increase the SUPPORT that women need.
<3
Brianna